Read My Blog
Mother’s Day: Love and Second Chances
Mother’s Day. This should be an easy post right? So many mothers to love and appreciate in my life. My mom. Micah’s mom. My sister, and sisters in love, raising my nieces and nephews. Our many wonderful grandmothers. My spiritual moms. My friends’ mothers who have let...
Heroes Live Forever
September 11, 2001 “Never Forget” We have memorials and events and vigils. We bow our heads in silence. If you ask someone where they were when they learned about the terrorist attack on 9/11, they remember with crystal clarity. When we say “never forget,” we’re...
Grief Is: Endurance
Grief is : endurance. I probably had unrealistic expectations for myself. I probably thought if I dug deep enough and did enough therapy and self reflection, that I could shorten the duration or lessen the intensity of grief. . When I imagined what life might look and...
When God Says “No” to Our Prayers
Last week a toddler in California named Olive died suddenly and unexpectedly. People in Olive's church and throughout the nation galvanized around the belief that Jesus is a miracle working God. They believed Him when He said we would do equal and greater works in His...
Learning new skills after loss
The last time I was at the range, was with Micah. I grew up in a hunting, firearm friendly family. I had handled guns before, but Micah was the first person to give me true technique coaching. It’s a sweet spot in marriage when you have a skill you can teach your...
Grief Is: Dread
Grief is: anticipatory anxiety. A burning wick. A slow fade. A ticking clock. “How bad is this one going to hurt?” you ask yourself. Will it come in fits and starts? Will it suck me into its’ undertow until my lungs burn? Will it catch me off guard, a blow that...
Father’s Day 2020
Dear Micah, Happy Father’s Day! You’d be amazed at how the twins are growing. Eliana doesn’t even hesitate to throw herself off the high dive into a full layout. Levi runs for the pure joy of it, legs in full swing, a perfect mirror of your roadrunner stride. I think...
Revenge will not ease your pain
Manuel Zetina told his friend he’d kill a cop when he got the chance. I don’t know a lot about Manuel, the young man who murdered my husband. But what I do know allows me to infer some things. He was a minority. He was looking for the belonging and power that gang...
A widow’s open letter to Costco and to corporations navigating Covid 19
We’ve always been friends. Organic samples. Skylights in your box stores. Your CEO pays himself far less than most people in his position. When I was drowning in despair, I sent friends with my membership to buy food for the twins’ school lunches. When I could barely...
Missing Your Pandemic Buddy
Grief is: missing your pandemic partner. Your trauma buddy. The person you process your decisions with. . . . Being in a global crisis has put all of us in uncharted territory. There’s no handbook for handling quarantine and all the physical and emotional fallout from...
Pasting on a Smile
Grief is: pasting on a smile. For a girl with a bad case of RBF, grief did nothing to help my smile. Honestly, it’s ok not to smile. (Lord help those JW missionaries who paid a visit after Micah’s death. My scowl was probably frightening. I didn’t even attempt to be...
A Change of Plans
Grief is: a change of plans. This phrase is so understated it's shocking. And it's powerful. 13 years ago I planned to spend the rest of my life with Micah. Change of plans. 10 years ago I planned to have children and raise them with my husband. Change of plans. 3...
